Futureman

cosmonaut.jpg

Super-hero who subdues criminals by use of a tremendous cough.

Funerals in the future, the eulogy is simply a recitation of the deceased’s Google search term history.

New anti-depressant trade-named “Ethelmerman”.

Baby-showers attended by single women.

If I am at a bar or other singles-oriented gathering and people bring their baby, I suddenly I feel peer pressure to act charmed and avuncular. By that logic shouldn’t I be able to go to their house and they should have peer pressure to fuck me?

If you are glad when “Speaking of Faith” is over so that “The Joe Frank Show” will be on soon, that’s a good sign.

“Speaking of Faith” is the most irresponsible show on public radio: Krista Tippett talks about the “conversation” between faith and baseball, when she should be talking about how we are all going to die in possible agony.

How could Paleolithic man ever find enough food to eat? I’m not fat and I need to eat constantly, I need a conveyor belt. On the Discovery Channel survival shows those guys are lucky to get a moldy snail and some dandelion greens, which they have to boil twice. What if you were incredibly lucky caught a deer (ever see a deer run away)? Could you even eat a raw deer? And what if you broke your ankle or got a rotten tooth or got cancer? Hi, you’re fucked. That’s how it’s been for 100,000 years.

But what about the future? Futureman will recoil in horror that we had to endure having the roofs of our mouths scraped by Captain Crunch. Or that we had to go pee really bad.

  1. “i whish you a sexfull life” (c) Alexei Leonov (cosmonaut).

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